Dear God.

Its been long time since I last blog. Was lazy. :P
but anyway, the main purpose of this blog, is to write to God.

Dear God,
I wonder what is your purpose for me.
I sometimes pray that I could turn back time.
I wish that I could be a different person.
I hope that I could have been a different person.
I want to a better person than I am now.

God, what is your purpose for me?
I hear from many sermons, testimony and sharing by different people saying that You, God, has already know what is ahead of one's future.
People say that You have already planned what are their bidding on earth even before they were born.

God, what is my purpose for you?
I wonder my choice of coming to Australia was the right one.
I thought I could be a better person if and when I study abroad.
It seems I was wrong.
I thought that studying abroad will strengthen myself to be a better person.
I thought that if I stay myself with Christian, it would be nice.
As how I have seen it to those staying out of their house in Sunway.
I thought when staying together, it will be easier to share things together.

Not wanting to be dramatic or unrealistic,
but when I watch series like Friends, Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, and Big Bang theory, I thought to myself,
If i stayed outside my house with friends like this, wont it be nice?
to be able to share your heart out to one that you trust.
Friends that can depend upon when you didnt even ask for help.
Friends that will lend you a shoulder to cry to when one are sad.
Friends that can also share their personal things to you.
Friends that will be honest and also understanding.

Dear God,
ever since I come to Australia,
I have slide even further away from you.
I thought that I could get close to You even more.
I hear so many good testimony from international student when they study overseas, their faith in God has been strengthen,
How I wish I was like that too.
But it seems that it could not be true for me.
Maybe it is just be not taking the initiative.
Or maybe it was also the environment?
but lets not point finger.
blame your own Danny....

Dear God,
today, I hear from a pastor saying that you already know the future of everyone.
God, if you knew mine, why let me suffer here?
oh God, I dont know what I am suppose to be.
Many say not to lose faith in You.
But God, please tell me, I am hearing.
I know that your plans might not be my wanting,
But God, I dont know what to do anymore.
I am so lost.

God, the video I watch today, the pastor said that maybe You are trying to tell one something but we are kicking You away from us, it may because that we dont like that answer to what you are going to say to us?
but God, please be like in the video, forcing to show to the person.
please be gentle with me when You show me.
Lord, please forgive me if I have always push you away.
Lord, please show me.
Show me, my future.
Show me, Your plans You have for me.
I may not like it, but Lord, I just a mere human.
Please be understanding.
Thank You God.